Complacent

Yesterday was a pretty average day for me, but I'm not going to complain one bit. I woke up early as my dad was leaving for work and he helped me jump my scooter. As I left the battery charging, I rode up to Kaldi's to have morning brew with my guys. It was really cute sitting with them because at the table next to us were 4 retired men laughing and talking about their lives. I can picture us in our retired years, riding our old crackity bikes to the coffee shop and laughing about all the silly things we did when we were younger.

I did a few things around the house once I came back home, then had an eye exam and ordered more contact lenses. I also snagged the Union Jack half helmet from the Vespa store. I can't wait to wear it today!! I then took a nap once I came home and really cannot remember the last time I've taken a nap before yesterday, how sad! I absolutely love afternoon naps. After my nap I drove into the hood for dinner with Truckey at La Tropicana (great suggestion girl) and enjoyed the short 2 hours we had together. This girl and I go back to our college years. I still remember the first class we had together, an 8:30am class, and she would always fall asleep. My friend and I looked forward to her sleeping episodes every class, it cracked us up. Now that I know her a little better, she is this incShredibly talented writer with a wide perspective on life. I am so glad I have her in my life, she always makes me feel so good about myself. She is the type of person who is so comfortable with herself, that you learn how to love yourself in return.

As we sat outside getting ready to wrap up dinner, a lady in a red Explorer was pulling out of her parallel parking spot (with my car in front of her) and backed into the shiny new Mini Cooper behind her. It pushed the cooper up into the air and as she slowly left Truck and I got her plate #. I ran inside and told the guy who owned the car; he said it just came from the shop today because he was recently rear-ended. As the police arrived a cop got out of the driver's seat and a cadet got out of the passenger seat. I felt a burst of excitement erupt and remembered that we get to do ride-a-longs while in Academy, SWEET!

After dinner with Truck, I jetted over to the Cowboy for a team meeting. Good times as usual...super secret team information though, sorry I can't share anymore...lol.

Batteries and ribs

Yesterday was my day off the bike and thankfully so. My body was so tired from finally resting after a year of constant go-go-go and a few periods of losing someone close to me. I started the morning out with coffee and biscotti at home while watching Italian music videos and the Tour de Suisse coverage. I then swung by the shop to pick up my belongings, all the while screaming at the guys that I was sick of their sh!% and was never coming back, that I couldn't take it anymore in the relationship. They got the joke and we all kind of laughed but also felt sad inside.

I then headed over to my see my amazing therapist. What a wonderful woman she is. I'm finally going to keep up with my appointments and not be stubborn anymore. I'm so DIY that I usually end up visiting her and getting caught up in my own grind that I forget I need her. Well, I'm finally in a place where I am ready to ask for help. Just to give you an idea of how much I love the ladies, even SHE was surprised that I am actually sticking to this 6 month hiatus. Whew.

I then dropped off my suits at the dry cleaners and started laundry. I'm afraid to see my dry cleaning bill, but also realizing that I have not dry cleaned them for over a year now and actually saved money by ironing them myself...lol. Once laundry was taken care of, I hopped on my Vespa and drov...wait a minute...I was out of gas...filled the tank at home...had a dead battery...plugged in the tender...battery is dead...so I drove to the new Vespa store in Kirkwood (nice, but really small) and found out I can jump start the bike with a car, among other things including the fact that they are selling an awesome Union Jack half helmet I have to buy today. I then walked to Crown Optical to buy more contact lenses and found out I need another eye appointment before I order more contacts. Bullocks, I freaking hate doing that but it must be done. It's kind of like starting a new relationship and getting tested for STDs so you and your partner know each other are clean...except my eyes don't sleep around...so why test them?

And then the evening came and went. I headed over to Geoff's for Kill Bill, Kill Bill 2, 8 hour smoked ribs and citrus vodka tonics. I love that guy and have officially unofficially called him my best friend in the past 3 conversations I have had about him. I just need to work on not leaving food and drink at his house when I leave. He has a week-old avocado of mine, bag of pine nuts, whole smoked chicken, and bottle of citrus vodka.

Picture of the day pays homage to Quentin:

On the last day and the day for fathers

Listening to: Justin Nozuka

Yesterday was my last day at the bike shop. It was rather bittersweet in the fact that I felt so comfortable there, but also must move on to a new career that will send me on my way. What's great is that I will keep my shop friends, but also make many more new ones on the Police force. It's amazing to sit back and think of how many friends I have in my life and how wonderfully different they all are.

Father's Day was a blast. My brother came over to my dad's house and we grilled steak and bonded, you know, typical guy stuff;) Josh is as beautiful as ever and I'm glad he is still on the right track after derailing a few times. I convinced the guys to go to Ted Drewes, so we drove down to the hood and sulked in Mr. Drewe's famous desserts. After we were done eating, 3 men walked up to my dad and started talking to him about the weather, as if they knew him. I thought one was an agent he works with so I started goofing off with Josh. I took his photo next to Luigi, the chocolate maker...

...sat on the curb as we watched a guy walk home from Aldi's with headphones on, connected to the boombox he was carrying...along with me almost fitting Josh upside-down into a trash can filled with custard cups...then looked over at my dad who was surrounded by 3 Christian men praying for him; one's shirt read, "Jesus Beat the Devil"...I never knew they fought?!

Just as the uncomfortability set into my nerves, I looked up to see Rob and Megan walking their dogs across Hampton and quickly ran over to say hi. I was glad someone was praying for my dad, but it was kind of the wrong place to be doing it. Nevertheless, my dad felt like a rock star and that's what he deserves so I just kept my mouth shut for once and let him sulk in the moment.

Overall, the night was superb. I was able to bond with my sober brother and love my dad as usual, all without Josh needing a drink to open up to his family.

Tonight I will begin posting about my vacation week before Academy starts.

Last Week

After having the past 2 days off work (and enjoying them very much) today I head back to work for my last week ever at the Trek Store. After the first time I left the shop to work at the law firm, I didn't realize just how much they missed and needed me. But now I am realizing how great of an asset I am to the shop, and that a huge piece of it's history and growth and improvement will leave once I leave. I was one of the original employees who carved the shop into what it is today. So, this exit is going to be a bit more sentimental than the previous.

In turn, (like how I started with the bad but ended with the good?) I am absolutely thrilled to start Police Academy. They told us last week when we took our psychological tests that it's up to us to put in our 2 weeks at work, since we still had to pass the psychological tests and physical exams and weren't guaranteed the position yet. I thought about it and talked with others and decided to go ahead and put in my 2 weeks and take off a week before Academy starts on June 23rd. I decided to take the risk and hope I get in, in order to have a week off before I dive into 6 full months of Academy.

All of my tests are complete. Now I wait for the phone call saying I am in...they will most likely call next week.

Dave Lucas - 6/1/2008

I lost another friend on June 1st. I befriended Dave about a month ago when he came into the shop and bought a super nice bike, the Trek 7.7FX with tons of accessories so he could get back to riding and commuting everywhere as he used to when he was younger. He told me he was a pilot and flew his own plane he built himself. I told him stories of when my dad flew me around in his private plane when I was a child and Dave invited me to fly with him some time. We exchanged numbers and kept having to postpone a day of flying due to bad weather and my busy schedule.

I hadn't heard from him in awhile and on June 1st at around 5pm I decided to give him a call and left a lengthy message about when I was free to go fly and how I hoped he was doing well and riding his bike everywhere.

I got a phone call yesterday at work that he died in a crash that same day. He was going to fly a friend that day and the friend was running late, so Dave started up the plane to get it warmed up. He took off and somehow crashed; details on the cause of the crash won't be released for about a month.

Dave was an amazing pilot, amazing friend, and incredibly sweet man. He always had a smile on his face and always made sure others were taken care of.

Here is the article concerning the accident:
Article

Track Night

I went to the first Wed. Track Series last night and am hooked. I always knew I would make a great track racer because I have such a muscular build, but I never knew I would enjoy it as much as I did last night. I could see Rob and TJ enjoyed it just as much when we all wore huge grins on our faces after the scratch race.

The clinic was led by Joe and PJ Walsh, two legends from St. Louis, and was very helpful. I already listed things I need to work on - sit closer to the wheel in front of me, go harder in the turns, and change my gear from 82 to 88 inches and my bars to real track bars. I can't wait for next Wednesday!

I've felt extremely busy lately and it makes me happy. I know I haven't been hanging out with/seeing my friends because of lack of time, but I'm making sure I at least keep in touch with them. I'm just at a time in my life where I need as much ME time as possible. When I work 8-10 hours a day talking to complete strangers at work, then drive each weekend with my teammates and race for 2-3 days surrounded by other racers, I need my evenings alone. I have 2 books I want to start/finish, letters to write to people, tons of boxes to still unpack, and a new career to focus on. I may seem selfish with my time, but I need it right now. This 6 month challenge is making me realize I was running away from myself by keeping myself busy with events that prevented me from looking deeply within.

This blog is going to be a great way to document the next 6 months.

It's raining, I'm on the couch with Fair Trade Ethiopian coffee from Local Harvest to my right, my beautiful cat Elisa to my left, and ever-so-interesting morning news on the teli; I have to do an easy 1 hour ride today and may have to drag out the trainer if the rain is as bad as the radar says it is.

Lawrence is where it's at

Lawrence, Kansas. Who would have thought?

I drove into Lawrence late Saturday night to Brian and Michelle's new house. I thought I had the wrong address as I drove through cornfields, over severely uneven railroad tracks, and onto roughly paved roads. It was some time after 11pm and all I could see were randomly placed homes on large acreage plots and small blue street signs listed by numbers (1500, 1750, etc.). I almost called Brian to make sure I was in the right area when in the blink of an eye those rural roads turned into small town suburbia. The pavement quieted, the street signs appeared more quickly and were actual words (Summit, Northwind, etc.), and street lamps popped up. "Wow, we're going to have an amazing ride tomorrow", I thought to myself.

Michelle woke me up Sunday morning and I walked downstairs like a zombie, only focusing my senses on the smell of coffee and eggs. I was told we were joining an 8:30 group ride as Brian gave me the second half of his bagel, insisting I eat more because supposedly it's a long, tough ride. To hear him say a ride is tough means he is serious. I suddenly became extremely excited to start the ride, also glad I brought my Aeolus wheels. Last year I would have been frightened by a ride description of long and hard, but now it's nothing but a great chance for me to increase my endurance and fitness.

We rode about 2 minutes through town and met the group - all guys, mostly older (masters type guys), and one woman besides Michelle and I. They all watched us roll up and just stared at me with mini-smiles, curious as to who I was and excited to see a fresh face. They all asked about Team Revolution and gave compliments about the teeth on my bike. The ride took off at a great pace through town and once we hit the country roads we began to take turns pulling. I was able to ride next to many different guys, Gary, Tom, Joe, Dan, Scott, and the dude on the freaking fixed gear with bullhorns - kudos man! I took my turn pulling more than some of the others who sat toward the bike and just enjoyed good company. I enjoyed sharing the work and also looked forward to pulling off the front so that Dan could move up and make some silly comment like, "Eh, good", or "have you seen the movie Babe? You did good Babe, you did good", or "not too bad". I finally cracked about 2 hours into the ride and was glad to have Michelle show me where to sit my front wheel in the drafts. After a stop for more water we were close to town and I managed to take a county limit sign before my legs told me to stop the hard efforts. The weather was beautiful, the route absolutely perfect, and the company warm.

Once we were done showering, baking cakes for Brian's graduation party, and refueling, Michelle and I went into town to stop by Dan's shop so I could get a cool t-shirt. Dan ended up giving it to me, along with 2 neat Life is Good stickers I picked out. What a great guy - SUPER strong rider, great business owner, and wonderful friend. If you are ever in Lawrence, please stop by his shop and say hello to him - tell him I sent you. After Michelle had to pull me out of the shop, we drove to get beer for the party and came back home with time for me to start reading my new book and hang out with Nick before the party-goers arrived.

I met some great people on the ride and at the party. Everyone wanted to meet each other, were excited to get to know each other, and just had a great time. It's nice going to parties where nobody acts too cool to introduce themselves. It seems like in St. Louis some people feel they are too cool to meet new people.

What a fantastic weekend.

This week I am working a bunch in order to leave next weekend for Quad Cities. Race hard, rest well!

It's all coming together now...

I don't know where the phrase "when it rains, it pours" came from, but it seems to make sense. But I don't think situations happen to increase; I think it's all about our perceptions. If I'm in a sad mood and feel like life is bringing me down, of course I'm going to think everything seems to be going wrong. And if I'm in a happy-go-lucky mood, life will seem to be headed in the right direction. The real trick is to change my attitude and perception when I'm sad/down.

2 weeks ago I was in a slump. I hadn't had a real break since I put Angelina down, was working alot, sleeping hard, barely had enough energy to get on my bike, and it was raining almost every day. I picked myself up and told myself to go to Joe Martin (NRC bicycle race in Arkansas) and forget about all the stress I had left at home. So this past weekend I went to Joe Martin and raced hard. My results weren't what I expected them to be, but it definitely kick started me back into being motivated again.

In turn, I passed the physical test to get into Police Academy with flying colors. The fastest time was by this bionic guy named George - 2 minutes and 13 seconds. My time - 2 minutes and 40 seconds:) The Detective is running my background check and my references are being contacted. I am so close to Academy that it's finally becoming reality and not some section on my to-do list.



I'm also training hard and riding well. My new Aeolus wheels are fantastic and I'm starting to manage my weight again. I always struggle with my weight and I feel like I finally have a firm grasp on it.

Everything is falling into place. This is because I have accepted a challenge from my mother - to stay single for 6 months (until November 12th, to be exact). No dates, no searching, no hand holding, no cuddling, no SEX!, NOTHING, NIENTE, NINE, ZILCH. I know, right?! But it's probably one of the best things to happen to me. I am so aware of my surroundings and myself. I can appreciate the sunset with my entire being, music sounds so much clearer, I'm singing and whistling more often, riding my bike is utopian, and I'm not a bitch to people anymore. I am taking time for me and my friends and family, that's it. My life will be back in it's orderly fashion in no time.

This weekends will be fun. After work tonight, Geoff is coming over and grilling bison burgers with me, then we're going to see the Chronicles of Narnia. Saturday I work, but leave that evening for KC. My coach just graduated from grad school and is throwing a party at he and his wife's house on Sunday. This means we're all riding Sunday morning, awesome.

Next week I work a bunch, but leave next weekend for Quad Cities. I'll be ready to THROW DOWN at those races. Plan: dominate 3/4s on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, then help my teammates who are 2s in the 2/3s on Monday.

And for a little eye candy...you may see me rolling in something similar to this nexty year:

Moving On

I'm starting to slowly move on from my sorrow over losing Angelina. My dad bought a new cat last week and she is wonderful. She is a small Maine Coon with black, white, and orange fur. She is extremely lovable and very talkative. She is a great addition to my life and I am thankful my dad found such a great cat.

Training is going pretty well, but I didn't get in enough hours last week because of the move and this month's unpredictable weather. I leave this Friday to race Joe Martin in Arkansas and even though I haven't been strictly training according to the program, I feel confident that I will do well and take first.

Tonight I have my oral interview with the SLMPD. It's been an entire month since I took the written test, and I'm hoping after I pass the oral interview that the physical test will come soon after. Like I might have said before, I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly in my life, that is becoming a police officer. It's nice to find something so right for me, when in the past few years I've been chasing things that were so wrong.

Life is great out at my dad's house. The house is sunny, the backyard is beautiful, the grill is perfect for having friends over (I've had 4 over since I moved in!), and the area is quiet. I ride either my bike or my Vespa to work each day. The only downfall is that my clothes are ALL over the place and I'm wondering if I should even unpack them...lol.

Ci vediamo, mi amor

"We will see each other, my love".

It all happened way too fast. I noticed she wasn't eating, she was sleeping more than usual, her eyes looked heavy, her jaw hanging lower than usual, and her hands and feet dirty as if she couldn't clean herself anymore. Her breath was smelling as if something was infected and the corners of her mouth hosted an unhealthy residue.

Something was wrong.

I frantically called the Humane Society to schedule her in. They had a 3pm opening; it was 2:20; I live 5 minutes away; I rushed over there, "Fuck 3pm, she can't wait" I said in the car as Angelina lets out soft cries of fear and uncomfortability in her box. "It's ok, it's ok, we'll be there in a second. We'll get you back to normal in no time".

The nurse asked me what was wrong and I hated having to tell her the symptoms - they freaked me out and I knew that it had begun the moment I told the nurse. We took her into the doctor's room and they started inspecting her mouth. Her mouth was swollen, infected, filled with odor. They looked at her chin; "How long has her chin looked like this?"..."Looked like what?"..."Swollen"..."I had no idea..."

The doctor offered two options - 1. Treat her with antibiotics for a few days and see if her mouth gets better or 2. Do an x-ray to see if there is possible cancer in the jaw. "CANCER!? Cat's don't get cancer! She's only 5 years old!"..."Ok, do the x-ray, whatever it takes, I'll do anything". The x-ray was inconclusive, she was moving too much. They kept her overnight so they could sedate her in the morning.

My apartment was eerily quiet Wednesday night. I could barely fall asleep. I thought of how absent and meaningless my life would be without her. I tried to remember how optimistic the doctor was about it just being an infection and fell asleep. Thursday morning I did not enjoy eating my breakfast and drinking my coffee as I sat in front of this laptop checking my email. I usually play music for her, but I couldn't turn on the music without her nuzzling next to me, trying to take bites of my oatmeal. I got on with my day, road my bike, went to work, ran errands at work to get ready for my event. My dad texted and called about 3 times, leaving each conversation without an answer as to how the x-ray went.

The doctor finally called me at work; after phone tag and relentless navigation through their terrible phone lines, I got a hold of him. All I can remember from the conversation is, "tumor", "sarcosis", "cancer", "can't go in", "inevitable", "we can give her pain medicine and you can take her home for a day or two to spend some time with her, but she won't be able to eat and will be very uncomfortable", and "this is never an easy thing to do". WTF?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I called my mom. She started crying the moment I let out a cry. She knew. She agreed to just do it now. No need to keep her uncomfortable, she had had enough. I left work, sobbing, holding back the hard cries while driving home, hitting the steering wheel, so pissed off, biting my lip, hitting the steering wheel harder, wanting to tear down an entire wall with my bare hands. Dad picked me up, crying, faces red, I hate hearing a grown man cry, I can't believe this is happening.

We sat down in that tiny doctor's room and they brought her in. She was still loopy from the sedation and head bobbing, it was painfully cute. She was wrapped in that green towel, looking like people had been holding her for awhile, and I was glad. I hated leaving her overnight in a little box, all alone, scared, ugh, fuck I hate thinking about her being alone. Her eyes were huge, like she had just lost it, like she was a totally different person. But when I held her, she found herself again, she knew who I was and knew that every time she was in MY arms, everything was ok. I wished I could hold her in my arms permanently, forever, that it would somehow get rid of the tumor. I wished I was God. I wasn't. I lost it when my dad held her. She turned him into a cat lover. When his belly was bigger, she would sit on it and stick her butt in his face, wag her tail softly across his nose, and watch the birds through the window.

And then, the nurse came in. I signed some papers. I held her again. The nurse looked at me, I cried so hard it hurt all over my entire body. She kept looking at me, wanting to take her from me, but not knowing when to stick her arms out as a signal. I wasn't giving her up until I absolutely had to. She stuck her arms out and rested them under her belly. I gave her up. I looked at her, grabbed her face, "Ti amo cara, ti amo, I'm so sorry". The doctor said it was best we didn't stay. I hate myself for not staying. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over that. Why did I leave?!!! She was so miserable, and even though I was sad, I should have stayed with her, it's the least I could have done.

The doctor said cats instinctively hide their pain more than any other animal. That's why I couldn't tell how bad she was. I wish I was God. I wish I believed in heaven. I wish she could be sitting on my grandma's lap right now, feeling love. I can't even think that far ahead. All my memory keeps bumping into is saying goodbye to her, those eyes. Those huge green eyes and that beautiful white chin.

I feel like I lost a best friend. My apartment is a sad sad place right now. Boxes everywhere, pictures off the wall, quiet, her hairballs still scattered in the corners. I donated most of her stuff to the Humane Society and gave the rest to my brother's cat. I've decided to keep the litter box, just in case I decide to get a cat in the future. Right now I can't even fathom it.

I'm moving out of this apartment on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to the day I can be content with what I did. Right now I feel like a murderer and a pansy. God she was so beautiful. She was the only woman who would sit for hours listening to me play guitar, her tail slowly wagging to the beat; she was the only woman who loved me unconditionally, with no reserve, who would sleep next to me every night and look forward to seeing me when I came home from work. I would be so exhausted each night and she knew it; she gave me so much comfort. She saved me from sorrow when I got her, keeping me company while I was couped up inside from a bad concussion, was there through every move, every break up, every death, every relationship, and always greeted each guest in my apartment with her loving embrace. The way she would close her eyes as Melisa ran her fingers down her back is something I will never forget.

I never understood the significance of losing a pet until these last few moments. I feel like I lost a piece of me. There is a hole in my heart that I'm hoping will be filled eventually.

I thought I was done crying...

Il Tempo Bellissimo

The weather is absolutely gorgeous. Finally. My cold is almost gone and I'm riding like a champ. My mood is up and so is the temperature outside. I charged my Vespa battery, polished her down, filled her up, and rode her around town today. She's riding almost as well as I am!

I just ordered my first set of spare bike wheels. I bought the Bontrager Aelous 5.0s...yeah...sweet Jesus. I am almost losing sleep at night because of my excitement! I also have a new Ionos helmet coming in; it's about time! Our new team kits arrived and they are superb. Now all I need is a race to use all of these new items...oh, wait, the Tour of St. Louis is coming up, sweet!

I have a new crush. It's pretty ridiculous. I'm also losing sleep over my excitement regarding her as well. No more talk of it...I don't want to jinx anything.

I'm still preparing for my oral boards with the department on May 6th. I'm also getting ready for the physical obstacle course test. I wish I could start Academy NOW! I cannot wait!

I'm moving back to my dad's at the end of the month. It will be nice living closer to work and also saving tons of money. I also want to get off my block; I am considering moving into Holly Hills when I return to the city. It reminds me of the old block I grew up on when I was a kid - families, quiet, safe, no riff-raff. If I'm going to wear my police uniform to and from my house, I want to be 100% positive my neighbors will respect me and not snear or break into my shit.

Anyways, cheers to good weather, good riding, and an over-active heart that loses control when she's around.

Life's Path

The ride-a-long I took last week sealed the deal. The shift lasted until 2, I left around midnight, and couldn't fall asleep until 3. I knew, as soon as I sat in the squad car that I was going to enjoy every second of the evening. The officers I rode with were incredibly nice and answered any questions I had about the job. I also admired the Sergeant for showing up at every call and taking control of the situations.

A few days later I was flown up to Waterloo, Wisconsin to hold an interview with Trek at their factory offices. I was not looking forward to the trip because I had already decided to apply to the Police Academy, but went with an open mind so that my decision wouldn't sway as much. After seeing the corporate environment with cubicles and seeing how my job would entail sitting in front of a computer all day answering emails and phone calls, I decided it wasn't the job for me.

So, here I am, going through the application process with the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department and loving every minute of it. I already passed the written exam and am waiting for my oral exam on May 6th. I absolutely cannot wait to get into the Academy. I haven't wanted something so badly in my entire life, not even winning a bike race or starting a relationship. This time, I know I am doing something that is 100% without a doubt good for me and exactly what I should be doing with my life. I am so grateful I not only know this, but also have the opportunity to do it.

I'm home sick today and unable to race Dogwood tomorrow. I'm pretty bummed. I had such an intense week with working full time, studying and taking the exam, cleaning my apartment so my landlord can show it, and not having enough time to ride my bike. My body finally crashed after I took the exam yesterday and I'm paying for it today (also, this cruddy cold has been traveling between people at work, mixed with super high pollen counts). Tomorrow I'm off work since I originally intended to race, so I will use it as a rest day. Too bad it's super freaking nice out!! I guess I'll be watching movies, drinking Gatorade, and sleeping all day.

FYI, little bro is over 6 months sober and working a sweet job with Kaldi's.

Clarity

Arkansas was wonderful. I got shelled on monstrous climbs over and over again until the last day of riding. The last day was blissful. I climbed with strength and confidence. Pictures are up on my Flickr page.

Now I'm back in St. Louis and riding up hills as if a huge tailwind is pushing me from behind. Hillsboro Roubaix this weekend is going to be AWESOME and I'm glad almost all of my teammates will be racing with me. I am awe-struck at how much our team has improved and grown (mentally, physically, and emotionally).

I found God on Easter Sunday. He's been tapping me on the shoulder for quite some time now and I kept brushing him away like a horse tail to a fly. I think being single and happy has a big part to do with it. No more pushing God away and trying to fill the void with unhealthy situations. I found a really cool non-denominational service I can go to on a weekly basis.

I'm doing so well right now and am excited to see just how much better it can get. I'm moving back into my dad's house temporarily until I figure out which career I will choose. April will be my last month living in South City and I hope to make the best of it. On Monday Trek is flying me into Madison where I will then take a rental car to Waterloo to be interviewed at the factory. Usually when someone flies you in for an interview, it means they want you...but I need to stay modest and impress them with 110% energy. If I get the job, this means I will be living in either Madison or Waterloo, Wisconsin. It's sad knowing I will move from friends here in St. Louis, but also exciting for me to make a change and do something different. Trek is an amazing company and it's time for me to settle down and get a career. This would be my first job being paid salary...I'm already 24...I can't believe I am saying this!!

Anyways, I'm training my ars off and feeling pretty incredible.

Tonight - ride-a-long with my city cop friend. Night shift baby. SWEET!

Arkansas, here we come!

I'm waking up tomorrow morning around 5am in order to pick up Nick and Greg to head down to Arkansas. Wow, we are going to have alot of shit in my car! 3 bikes up top, tons of food, gear, wheels, etc.

It seems that the Hell's Kitchen requires the Women's Open field to ride the 20.2 mile course twice. This includes climbing a 15% grade twice. Below is a photo of Pro men cyclists walking up a 20% grade in Italy, just to give you an idea.



Whatever, I'm already on top of this race. I'm excited for this whole trip, I really cannot wait for it to start and don't want it to end. Go big or don't go at all. FTPH!

Keeping Down With the Jones'

What's up with the saying, "keeping up with the Jones'"? Why can't we try harder to have less than our neighbors? In a perfect world, neighbors would be discussing the latest light bulb that uses less electricity, the new solar panels installed throughout their home, the huge organic garden in their backyard, and the new toilet they invested in that uses less water when flushing.

This is just something I thought of on my ride to meet the boys at Kaldi's this morning.

Speaking of riding...I'm getting stronger - physically and mentally. I have more confidence because I am stronger/I am getting stronger because I have more confidence. I'm glad I invested in a coach.

One week until Greg and Nick and I leave for Arkansas. We will be training with Brian and Michelle Jensen and some other fellow female racers. Hell's Kitchen will be a tough race but it will also be good to add some intensity with hills onto my plate. I'm just excited to have a skilled coach, an amazing team, and a great season ahead of me.

Onto more riding, sleeping, eating, and enjoying my friends and free time.

Whoever said girls can't play in the dirt...

...should be capped!

In the Span of One Day

Ooooh this is getting good, folks

BLAM!

Inspiration

I had a rather inspirational weekend full of great company and amazing music. Brit and I drove to Chicago on Friday and stayed with her friend Jess in Boystown. We went to a local gay club that night for Women's Night and danced until 2. I ran into a long-time friend Beaner and was glad to see her doing well. Being at the club was refreshing - besides the fact that it was smoke-free, it was nice seeing a more diverse lesbian crowd and fresh faces while still feeling "at home".



On Saturday we woke up late, ate a revitalizing meal of eggs, sausage, and bananas foster pumpkin spice pancakes, then headed to Milwaukee for the Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin, and Buddy Miller concert (conveniently titled "Three Girls and Their Buddy"). Jess decided to go with Brit and I and take her chance of hopefully getting a ticket at the show. After a quick 2 hour drive filled with tons of singing in the car, we arrived in Milwaukee. It was 16 below Farenheit and our faces were pretty much red from wind burn. Nonetheless, we managed to find rockstar parking and partook in THE best concert I have ever been to so far. All 4 musicians took turns playing their favorite songs, as well as collaborating together on other songs. I'm so fortunate to have been able to experience such an astounding collaboration.

Patty and Emmylou had a hand-held light show to keep the audience attentive while the other artists tuned their guitars in between sets and Shawn had flying screaming monkeys. They were hilarious! The ironic event of the trip was when Brit and I were driving back and decided to use the bathroom in the Dixie truck stop. As soon as we walked in, flying screaming monkeys were hanging on a stand in front of us. We bought one for all three of us and have dubbed them our travel monkeys:)

Everything else from the trip is too special to type in a blog. You may be wondering why my blog title is "Inspirational". To hear the songs these artists have written or were inspired by creates an urge in me to look deeper into myself, my desires, and my capabilities. I did alot of thinking this weekend and am in a better place than where I was before Friday. Before this weekend I sort of knew what I needed to do. Now I know what I need to do, and also what I should have done a long time ago.



As for now, keep playing the YouTube video I posted at the top of this link. Brandi sang this song when she came to St. Louis and it's finally out on the net. We're all hoping she records it soon. For the most part, there's no special meaning to it for me, it just sounds fucking amazing (and of course Brandi looks gorgeous as usual).

Lou Berra

My old team, the Manchester Racing Club, has had a rough winter so far. About a month ago our teammate Greg Girouard was hit by a reckless driver while riding his tandem with his wife. Luckily, they survived. Unfortunately, their bike is FUCKED and they are seriously injured.

Last night another teammate, Lou Berra, died in his sleep of a heart attack. It was extremely unexpected. Lou ran numerous triathlons and raced like a beast. In the photo below you can see how hard he worked in his races. I remember this race, the 2006 Gateway Cup University City race, when he kept pulling the group lap after lap. The announcer yelled his name each time he pulled, and also afterwards when he recovered in the speed of the pack. His wife and I stood on the sidelines giggling every time he yelled his name.

Lou was the kindest, most humble, soft-spoken man I have ever met. I never knew a guy so kind. He will be dearly missed by SO many people. I give my love to his family and his co-workers at the firehouse. Don't ever forget how precious life is.

Bump

...bump in the road...brush off the debri...keep rollin' mama.